Countdown of Ten Things That Suck About Being A Till Monkey

10# - Weekends and holidays off are treated like the second coming. Better yet, we get to serve all the smug gits who have the weekend off. On top of that we get annoying little kids, shoplifters trying to take advantage of the crowds, and oh yes, we're even more short staffed than we are during the week. I know, work that one out!

9#- R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Or.. lack of it, rather. I know I'm a mere till monkey hired to scan your items and take the monies, but I am still a person. I might not be Mr Super Surgeon saving lives, or Miss I Discovered a Cure for Cancer, but I'm still supplying you with a service. Without me you wouldn't get your beers, your fags, your bottle of wine. So stop ignoring me, say please and thank you like a good boy, and pull your head out of your ass every now and then to acknowledge those around you. Oh and don't yell/threaten/poke the till monkey when things go wrong, it's usually not her fault, and she will bite.

8# - Shoplifters. Yeah, we see you there, dropping sweets down your pants. Why yes, it's totally obvious that you're stashing a beer can in the side of your jacket. YES, MR BUTTER THIEF, WE CAN ALSO SEE YOU TOO. But guess what? The stupid law means that we're not allowed to touch you unless you're outside of the shop. We can't even confront you. So you can sail on out happy with your goods, and if you make a break for it, there's NOTHING we can do. We'll be laying down a red carpet for them before too long, with a sign that says 'PLEASE, PLEASE COME STEAL OUR STUFFS'

7# - Suck ups. I know every work place has them, the insufferable creeps that crawl their way so far up the managers asses that they're in danger of suffocating. It sucks even worse in retail because they get the nicer hours, they magically get weekends and holidays off, and they get to do all of the fun jobs. One suck up at my place gets to stick up the various decorations we have for certain times of the year, and I swear, that is ALL she does. I want to stick the fucking snowflakes on the window!

6# - WAITING FOR YOUR LUNCH BREAK WHEN PEOPLE ARE BUYING LOTS OF TASTY FOOD. ENOUGH SAID.

5# - People who talk on mobiles when they're checking out. It's rude, both to myself and the person you're talking to, and it makes you look like such a cunt, you wouldn't believe. Is it really so hard to cover the mouthpiece and talk to me about what you want? If your conversation is THAT important, then piss off outside and finish it. Oh and DON'T SHOUT. They can hear you, and it doesn't make you look aaany less important.

4# - Things being put back in the wrong place. Honestly, if you don't know where it goes, just bring it to the counter. We'll be HAPPY to put it back for you. Or try to get the vague place right. Don't leave noodles in the biscuit aisle. Don't leave cold drinks in the newspapers. DON'T LEAVE AN ICE LOLLY BY THE FLOUR AND LETTING IT MELT AND RUIN MOST OF THE BATCH. Just don't! And a special fuck you to the git that left a packet of sausages behind the cereal for about a week.. that was not nice.

3# - DEHYDRATION. Apparently we're not allowed drinks behind the counter AT ALL. I challenged this saying it was our right to have water at least, and so far they haven't mentioned it. You know why it was put in place? Because of the twats taking cups of tea back there and spilling them ALL OVER EVERYTHING :/ Oh and the other day? I was asked if I wanted a cup of tea, and I was all 'yeah, that would be awesome thanks!' then the tea maker comes out the back and asks if I can swap with the person on the till so they can have theirs. I was all 'OKAY, TOTALLY COOL' and did it, and then an HOUR later I got my damn tea. Stupid co-workers.

2# - Selfish Co-workers. Don't get me wrong, I love some of the people I work with, but I also hate the others. They're obsessed with trying to get off the till, they don't want to let anyone else take a break, they're selfish and they suck. One night a week I'm around half an hour late home because we close up, and my co-worker is the SLOWEST person in the entire world. Just because she isn't the one with a shift the next morning..

1# - CUSTOMERS. You can be having the greatest day ever, and some asshole of a customer will prance along and RUIN it. A lot of them are rude, don't listen, and think they're so far above you they're fucking flying. They don't see what's right in front of them, they make demands, not questions.. ngh! Again you get the nice customers, but they're so far and few between, it's like panning for gold.